Horoscope Thirty One

Horoscope for Aries March 21 - April 19

You never made a mistake in your life, at least never one that you couldn't explain away after wards.

Horoscope for Taurus April 20 - May 20

If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava let them go, because man, they're gone.

Horoscope for Gemini May 21 - June 21

Money couldn't buy you friends, but you get a better class of enemy.

Horoscope for Cancer June 22 - July 22

You dont care to belong a club that accepts people like you as members.

Horoscope for Leo July 23 - August 22

Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.

Horoscope for Virgo August 23 - September 22

Your desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.

Horoscope for Libra September 23 - October 22

Arrogant and right is surely better than humble and wrong.

Horoscope for Scorpio October 23 - November 21

A successful man is one who make more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

Horoscope for Sagittarius November 22 - December 21

Trust your husband, adore your husband, and get as much as you can in your own name.

Horoscope for Capricorn December 22 - January 19

Your the man who says his wife can't take a joke, forgets that she took him.

Horoscope for Aquarius January 20 - February 18

Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.

Horoscope for Pisces February 19 - March 20

Love is the answer, but while you're waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions.