Horoscope Thirty two

Horoscope for Aries March 21 - April 19

You are so clever that sometimes you don't understand a single word that you are saying.

Horoscope for Taurus April 20 - May 20

Never insult an alligator until after you have crossed the river.

Horoscope for Gemini May 21 - June 21

You can resist everything except temptation.

Horoscope for Cancer June 22 - July 22

A girl phoned you the other day and said "come on over there's nobody home. You went over Nobody was home.

Horoscope for Leo July 23 - August 22

It is easier for you to fight for principles than to live up to them.

Horoscope for Virgo August 23 - September 22


You think the universe is a big place, perhaps the biggest.

Horoscope for Libra September 23 - October 22

Having a baby is such a nice way to start people.

Horoscope for Scorpio October 23 - November 21

Your touch is worth ten thousand words.

Horoscope for Sagittarius November 22 - December 21

Its so hard when you have to, and so easy when you want to.

Horoscope for Capricorn December 22 - January 19

Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day.

Horoscope for Aquarius January 20 - February 18

Defeat is not so bitter unless you swallow it.

Horoscope for Pisces February 19 - March 20

The only disability in life is a bad attitude.

Horoscope Thirty One

Horoscope for Aries March 21 - April 19

You never made a mistake in your life, at least never one that you couldn't explain away after wards.

Horoscope for Taurus April 20 - May 20

If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava let them go, because man, they're gone.

Horoscope for Gemini May 21 - June 21

Money couldn't buy you friends, but you get a better class of enemy.

Horoscope for Cancer June 22 - July 22

You dont care to belong a club that accepts people like you as members.

Horoscope for Leo July 23 - August 22

Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.

Horoscope for Virgo August 23 - September 22

Your desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.

Horoscope for Libra September 23 - October 22

Arrogant and right is surely better than humble and wrong.

Horoscope for Scorpio October 23 - November 21

A successful man is one who make more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

Horoscope for Sagittarius November 22 - December 21

Trust your husband, adore your husband, and get as much as you can in your own name.

Horoscope for Capricorn December 22 - January 19

Your the man who says his wife can't take a joke, forgets that she took him.

Horoscope for Aquarius January 20 - February 18

Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.

Horoscope for Pisces February 19 - March 20

Love is the answer, but while you're waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions.

Horoscope Thirty

Horoscope for Aries March 21 - April 19

Fill that void in your pathetic life by playing Whack-A-Mole seventeen hours a
day

Horoscope for Taurus April 20 - May 20

You are the true Lord of the Dance, no matter what those idiots at work say

Horoscope for Gemini May 21 - June 21

Trade toothbrushes with an albino dwarf, then give a hickey to Meryl Streep.

Horoscope for Cancer June 22 - July 22

The stars predict tomorrow you'll wake up, do a bunch of stuff, and then go
back to sleep.

Horoscope for Leo July 23 - August 22

Your love life will run into trouble when your fiancé hurls a javelin through
your chest.

Horoscope for Virgo August 23 - September 22

Try not to shove a roll of duct tape up your nose while taking your driver's
test.

Horoscope for Libra September 23 - October 22

Eat a bucket of tuna-flavored pudding, then wash it down with a gallon of
strawberry Quik.

Horoscope for Scorpio October 23 - November 21

Expect a big surprise today when you wind up with your head impaled upon a stake.

Horoscope for Sagittarius November 22 - December 21

Laughter is the very best medicine, remember that when your appendix bursts
next week.

Horoscope for Capricorn December 22 - January 19

Take down all those naked pictures of Ernest Borgnine you've got hanging in
your den.

Horoscope for Aquarius January 20 - February 18

If I were you, I’d lock my doors and windows and never never never never never
leave my house again.

Horoscope for Pisces February 19 - March 20

Get ready for an unexpected trip when you fall screaming from an open window