Horoscope Twenty Five

Horoscope for Aries March 21 - April 19

You have no money, no resources, no hopes. You are the happiest man alive.

Horoscope for Taurus April 20 - May 20

Always laugh when you can. It is cheapest medicine.

Horoscope for Gemini May 21 - June 21

You only work to enjoy when you are not working.

Horoscope for Cancer June 22 - July 22

The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that you’ve got it made.

Horoscope for Leo July 23 - August 22

There cannot be a crisis next week. Your schedule is already full.

Horoscope for Virgo August 23 - September 22

Your Marriage is the only war where you sleep with the enemy.

Horoscope for Libra September 23 - October 22

You either Get what you want or you change your mind.

Horoscope for Scorpio October 23 - November 21

You are an excellent housekeeper. Every time you get a divorce, you keep the house.

Horoscope for Sagittarius November 22 - December 21

Your Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.

Horoscope for Capricorn December 22 - January 19

If you can’t convince them, confuse them.

Horoscope for Aquarius January 20 - February 18

Sex was the most fun you ever had without laughing.

Horoscope for Pisces February 19 - March 20


You have lots of ideas. Trouble is, most of them suck.