Horoscope Twenty Eight

Horoscope for Aries March 21 - April 19

No, you don't have a solution, but you certainly admire the problem.

Horoscope for Taurus April 20 - May 20

It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.

Horoscope for Gemini May 21 - June 21

Remember that nobody will ever get ahead of you as long as he is kicking you in the seat of the pants.

Horoscope for Cancer June 22 - July 22

You went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman where the Self Help section was. She said if she told you it would defeat the purpose.

Horoscope for Leo July 23 - August 22

You used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was your own.

Horoscope for Virgo August 23 - September 22

You are not a vegetarian because you love animals; You are a vegetarian because you hate plants.

Horoscope for Libra September 23 - October 22

You always wanted to be somebody, but now you realize you should have been more specific.

Horoscope for Scorpio October 23 - November 21

Only two things are necessary to keep your wife happy. One is to let her think she is having her own way, and the other is to let her have it."

Horoscope for Sagittarius November 22 - December 21

Your Committee - a group of men who keep minutes and waste hours.

Horoscope for Capricorn December 22 - January 19

Every day you get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. Your still not there, You have to go to work.

Horoscope for Aquarius January 20 - February 18

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them, and you have their shoes.

Horoscope for Pisces February 19 - March 20

Always remember that true beauty comes from within — from within bottles, jars, compacts, and tubes.