Horoscope 18

Horoscope for Aries March 21 - April 19

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.

Horoscope for Taurus April 20 - May 20

Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back

Horoscope for Gemini May 21 - June 21

You grow up the day you have your first real laugh -- at yourself.

Horoscope for Cancer June 22 - July 22

Cheer up. The worst is yet to come.

Horoscope for Leo July 23 - August 22

The secret to staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.

Horoscope for Virgo August 23 - September 22

Have no fear of perfection -- you'll never reach it.

Horoscope for Libra September 23 - October 22

However beautiful the strategy, you should occasionally look at the results.

Horoscope for Scorpio October 23 - November 21

You've got to be honest; if you can fake that, you've got it made.

Horoscope for Sagittarius November 22 - December 21

Always forgive your enemies -- Nothing annoys them so much.

Horoscope for Capricorn December 22 - January 19

You don't care what is written about you as long as it isn't true.

Horoscope for Aquarius January 20 - February 18

You're the person who writes for fools is always sure of a large audience.

Horoscope for Pisces February 19 - March 20


Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for